IN GRATITUDE
It’s Wednesday morning. My son is sick again and I had just emailed my client to let her know that I wouldn’t be able to facilitate the workshop we had scheduled that morning. Not again. I look like such an amateur, cancelling on clients like this. Last week it was a new coaching client that I had to cancel on because of a snow day.Three inches of snow on the ground and everything had shut down; most importantly, the free childcare (school). Now it’s a cold that’s laying waste to all of my plans and making me feel like just giving up. I’m rummaging around in the fridge so that I can make lunch for my daughter, the one who is actually following the plan today and getting ready for school. I hate cold season and I hate making lunches and where is that damned mustard?! Way too much time spent looking for a condiment. It’s going to be a mayo sandwich kind of day.
We load into the car, sick kid and all, and head towards the school. That’s when routine kicks in. “What are we grateful for today?” I ask, maybe less enthusiastically than I normally do. I realize I don’t want to be grateful. There isn’t a single thing I’m grateful for this morning and I want to sit here stewing in my anger and self-pity. Maybe if I’m quiet they won’t notice I’ve skipped my turn. Hah. Children who are six and eight do not “not notice” anything. They get you on all the teeny, tiny, mustard vs mayo little details, just where it hurts. “What are you grateful for Mommy?” my daughter asks.
This ride to school ritual started a couple of years ago after I read about the positive emotional effects of a daily gratitude practice. There have been several studies showing that thinking, sharing or writing about feelings of gratitude can improve our outlook and increase feelings of happiness. One study from Berkeley even showed that writing letters of gratitude resulted in improved mental health in patients suffering from depression and anxiety.
After reading about it, I wanted to try out a daily gratitude practice and I thought it would be good for the kids too. I explained to them that practicing gratitude every morning in the car would help us focus on the positive things in our lives, and give us a better chance of having a good day. Great idea, right? Maybe. It was a little touch and go at first. My eight-year-old son is crafty and can be very efficient when forced to fulfill external requests. His answer to this question for the first few weeks was invariably “My momma,” with a mischievous twinkle in his eye and a set to his mouth that told me that was the beginning and the end of the matter. What can I even say to that? My daughter was a little more game to play, and usually gave a long list that included her school, teacher, friends and family. And eventually, I was able to get something more heartfelt and less contrived out of the crafty kid in the backseat that I’m sure my sister would say reminds her of me at that age.
So, on this nasty Wednesday morning that finds me angry at everything and grateful for no one, I’m forced to pause and take some of my own medicine. My daughter’s bright and shining morning person face looks at me from the rear view mirror and I begrudgingly remind myself of what I often tell them: it’s the mornings where you don’t feel like being grateful that it will help you the most. So I tell them I’m grateful for my health, and my family, and that it’s not Monday. And that I’m especially grateful for mayonnaise.
