100 DREAMS
On a cozy, quiet night just before the holidays, my husband and I nested on the couch with our current favorite bourbon cocktail (a Paper Plane) and a notebook. Well, I had a notebook. My husband took one incredulous look at the notebook and pen I’d procured for him and opened up the notes app on his phone. Fine, stare at your screen. I’m using real paper! I settled back self-righteously on the couch with my notebook and started my list of 100 Dreams.
I’d recently read the book 168 Hours by Laura Vanderkam, a time management book that I found enjoyable, if not earth shattering. Vanderkam offers a cornucopia of advice on everything from making time for activities that lead to career breakthroughs, to finding more time for meaningful family activities and self-care. There’s a whole section on outsourcing laundry and meal preparation that I found particularly seductive. Mmmmm, laundry service. My favorite idea in 168 Hours was the “100 Dreams” exercise that Vanderkam introduces. As soon as I read about it, I wanted to try it.
“You mean a bucket list?” my husband asked, as I described it over a few stolen moments together while we scarfed down takeout food. “It’s not a bucket list,” I replied. “It’s 100 dreams. All of the things you want to experience in life, from the silly to the practical to the totally audacious.” “So, it’s like a bucket list,” he persisted. Great start. Ok, yes sort of like a bucket list.
Here’s why I don’t like the term Bucket List. First, it’s not very inspiring naming your dreams after a household item frequently used in cleaning activities. See above comment about the seduction of outsourcing chores. Second, it’s short for “Before I Kick the Bucket List” which makes it sound like these dreams are just vague, achievable-at-some-future-point-in-life-before-I’m-dead kind of dreams. How likely am I to make them happen if I frame them in this way?
Stuffed with takeout and only somewhat convinced of my new nomenclature for this activity, my husband agreed to participate. This is how we found ourselves cozied up on the couch that night, stereo crooning and Christmas tree lights glowing. What makes up my 100 dreams? I thought about things I’d never done but had always wondered about. Write a fan letter, attend a Comicon, ride in a hot air balloon. I considered the places I wanted to travel. Boating in Greece, a walking tour of Tuscany, hiking in Peru. I thought of personal interests I’d like to pursue. Write a book, paint a picture I’m proud of, learn French cooking techniques, restore a classic corvette. I thought about the people I’d like to meet and the concerts I’d like to see. The athletic feats I’d like to achieve. Hike the PCT, do a proper headstand, run a half marathon with my kids.
Around dream number 50, I felt my creativity open up and flights of fancy take off. Ride in a fighter jet while Danger Zone plays in the background. Visit space. Guest on Oprah. It was fun and freeing. The prevailing thought: Someone does all of these things. Why not me?
I wrote down my 100th dream and came up for air. My husband was staring intently at his phone, doing more sipping than typing. “Want to share your list?” I asked? “I’m at 30,” he admitted. “Apparently I only have 30 dreams.” Maybe his flight of fancy just hasn’t taken off yet. We decided to share our lists anyways. As I read mine out loud, my skin pricked with goose bumps, I giggled at some of my crazy ideas, and I also ended up choking back a few tears. Warning, this list can catch you by surprise. Some unexpected things can pop up. Things you know deep down you need to do and are afraid to. When you open yourself up to thinking about everything your heart wants, there they are. Even the things your heart doesn’t want to want.
It was my husband’s turn next. He texted me the note from his phone, but I asked him to read it aloud anyway. As he read his 30 dreams, I felt surprised. It was exciting to get a glimpse into the dreams I didn’t know about. I also felt reassured. There were a number of items on the list that fit what I knew of his hopes and desires. And I felt excited. Quite a few items were common to both of our lists. Some of them we had talked about before, and some we’d never voiced. Here was a roadmap of the next adventures we would have together. I couldn’t wait to negotiate on which one would come first.
Have you made a list of your dreams? If so, how long has it been since you looked at it? Maybe it’s time to update it or write one for the first time. Here are a few steps to get started.
Consider what environment you feel the most open and creative in. What time of day is it? What are your surroundings?
Think about how you want to record your list. Do you like paper, a white board, a laptop?
When you go to write the list, you may feel unsure of where to start. Try closing your eyes and taking a few centering breaths.
What’s the first thing that comes to mind? No matter how silly or outlandish, write it down. No one has to see your list unless you decide you want to share it!
To get the fullest list, consider some of the major categories: skills to master, new subjects to learn about, places you’d like to travel, things you’d like to own, specific experiences you’d like to have.
Does your list look too practical? Write down the craziest thing you can think of and then try to one up it.
Did you get to 100, or are you at 30? The number doesn’t really matter. If you look at the list with surprise, excitement and/or humor, you’ve achieved what you set out to do.
Now reflect. What did the list tell you about yourself? What do you want to share with your loved ones? And most importantly, where do you want to start?!
Dreaming 100 dreams can feel daunting. A coach can be a great partner in helping to clear the blocks that can get in the way of dreaming expansively. Reach out to me for a complimentary session to explore how coaching can help you unlock your 100 dreams.
